Dr. "Ducky" Mallard Quotes-8This is a featured page

Ducky at NCISDucky in AutopsyDucky
Quotes by Dr. Donald Ducky Mallard, NCIS
In the Beginning - Jag - Ice Queen - 2003.Ducky: Agent Blackadder reminds me of a young women I autopsied once.
(Gibbs ignores him)
Ducky: Of course, I never saw her alive, but I imagine she moved with that same little pelvic hitch. It's caused by a slight spinal curvature around T- twelve or L-one.
Gibbs: When did she die?
Ducky: (musing) Oh, gosh, let's see..that was in Hollywood at lease twenty years ago. She was an assistant film editor and the editor's wife caught them in flagrante delicto one evening at....
Gibbs: This one, Ducky. When did this one die?
Ducky: It's been awhile.
Gibbs: Care to be more specific?
Ducky: Not until I do the autopsy.
Gibbs: Humor me.
Ducky: Judging from the decomposition I'd estimate two-and-a-half to 3 weeks.
Gibbs: Cause of death?
Ducky: It wasn't the arrow.
In the beginning - Jag - Ice Queen - 2003.Gibbs: How pregnant was she Ducky?
Ducky: I'd estimate 4 to five months.
Gibbs: Brush the hair from her face will you. What happened to her face? It's to cold for larva.
Ducky: Crows. They took her eyes first, then tore away the soft flesh.
Gibbs: Why didn't they touch her hands and feet?
Ducky: I've been pondering since I got here here, Gibbs....I really don't know.
In the Beginning - Jag - Ice Queen - 2003.Tony: She's a Jag.
Ducky: Ever work with her? I know she's a bit messy, but how many blonde JAG female Lieutenants can there be?
In the beginning - Jag - Ice Queen - 2003.Ducky: talking to body) Aside from having no face, you cleaned up pretty good, didn't you?
Gibbs: Ducky, a Lieutenant Singer is the only pregnant JAG unaccounted for and she's supposedly full term.
Ducky: Then she's not our guest.
Tony: Could she have just delivered?
Ducky: No. Of course, corpses are tricky. Never know what they're hiding.
In the beginning - Jag - Ice Queen - 2003.(M.E. assistant Clarence Royce is helping Ducky.) Ducky: Hav a good afternoon, Vivienne?
Viv: Just ducky.
Ducky: I wish. Oh, the DNA results will be in shortly...(speaks to corpse)..and then we will be formally introduced.
Gibbs: I'll need the fetus' DNA.
Ducky: Think daddy was the killer?
Tony: She was single.
Ducky: (to corpse) Shame on you.
In the beginning - Jag - Ice Queen - 2003.Gibbs: The politicians have their timetable and I have mine.
Ducky: Let's not fight, children. We're all on the same team here. Let me show you what was on the body before I send it up to Abby.
(Has 2 bags of evidence First bag:)
Ducky: One cocktail napkin. Very water-soaked. Appears to have a number scribbled on it. (picks up 2nd bag:)
Our lieutenant was travelling on American Airlines.
Gibbs: To or from?
Ducky: Hard to say. It's in worse shape than the napkin.
In the beginning - Jag - Ice Queen - 2003.Gibbs: Tony. Call San Diego. Have them check her residence, interview neighbours...full investigation. (To Ducky) Anything else for us Ducky?
Ducky: Oh, yes. I saved the best for last. This metallic sliver was imbedded in a posterior skull fracture. (shows x-ray) ...Here. My guess. She was hit on the head with a blunt metal object and dumped above the falls. (points again to x-rays) These fractures could have been caused by going over the falls without a barrell.
Gibbs: Tony, check the bridges over the falls.
Tony: Viv and I will be out at first light.
Gibbs: You're on your own. Blackadder is going with me to JAG.
Ducky: Shall we see how our guest is hiding a full term fetus, Viv?
In the beginning - Jag - Ice Queen - 2003.Abby: Duh! Tony, she was whacked!
Tony: Not three months ago.
Ducky: Actually....three months is probably quite accurate. I'm afraid our victim was in the Potomac Park for at least that long.
Abby: Racking up frequent floater miles?
Ducky: Being an Ice Queen. She was frozen.
In the beginning - Jag- Ice Queen - 2003.Viv: Hey, I got us a suspect! Manetti said the Benzinger's bartender told her Singer was seeing a civilian before she shipped out. Well, that Moscow cell phone is registered to a Sergi Zhokov. I'm running an immigration check. He was in the States when Singer got pregnant. Left two days before she shipped out. And returned for just forty-eight hours three weeks ago! (They all go quiet) What?
Gibbs: Lieutenant Singer was murdered months ago.
Ducky: I'll explain it over lunch.
In the beginning - Jag - Ice Queen - 2003.Autopsy)
Ducky: All her cells are ruptured from freezing. (Talking to deceased) That's why the crows only got at your face...your arms and legs were still encapsulated in ice.
Viv: Could she have died between the Fourth and Sixth of January?
Ducky: No way to be certain with an Ice Queen. (looks at jar containing fetus) However, the development of the fetus is consistent with 20 weeks. If she was to be full-term now...she'd had deceased sometime in the first two weeks of January.
In the beginning - Jag - Ice Queen - 2003.Viv: Ducky....
Viv: You didn't match Rabb's DNA to the fetus, did you?
Ducky: Didn't have to. We didn't always have DNA you know. In fact, we didn't always have television. You're too young to remember, but in many ways radio was much more...
Viv: Ducky, why didn't you have to?
Ducky: I checked Commander Rabb's blood type. That's legal. He couldn't have fathered the girl.
Viv: Girl?
Ducky: (places liver in a tray) Sure you won't have dinner with me tonight, Viv?
Viv: Ducky, you're disgusting!
In the beginning - Jag - Ice Queen - 2003.Ducky: The pursuit of sex is an affirmination of life, Vivienne. That's way older men are so lascivious.
Viv: I'm talking about your lack of respect for the dead.
Ducky: I have the utmost respect for the dead.
Viv: That's obvious from the way you speak to them.
Ducky: Do you believe in an existence after death?
Viv: I believe in God.
Ducky: Isn't what I asked but it will do. If you were dead, wouldn't it be nice if you were spoken to, rather than about?
Viv: Her soul isn't in that...shell.
In the beginning - Jag - Ice Queen - 2003.Ducky: Perhaps not. But I've always felt a presence while conducting an autopsy...especially on murder victims. I couldn't understand why the crows didn't touch her hands and feet. Suddenly, I saw myself in a block of ice with only my head exposed.
Viv: Your subconscious solved the problem.
Ducky: Then shouldn't I have envisioned the Lieutenant in a block of ice? Why don't we discuss it over dinner?
Viv: Not tonight. (She leaves)
Ducky: (to himself) She didn't say "No. Just not tonight."
S8 Ep.4 - ROYALS AND LOYALS - 2011.(Crime Scene)
"Think this tub needs a new filter."
"Not exactly Davy Jones locker but he did meet a watery grave even if it was only 18" deep at the time."

“Got a time of death?”
“Uh, body’s been in the water too long to determine that.”
“You got a cause of death, Duck?”
“Well, I won’t know for certain until I get him back on the table.”

“Policed his brass or used a revolver.”
“Yeah. This could have been a violent drowning. But perhaps not here.”
Body was dumped?”
“Well if he was already dead when he got here, then why shoot him?”
“What have we here? (His abdomen and stomach has been slit open.) Somebody was looking for something in our dead sailor.”
S8 Ep.4 - ROYALS AND LOYALS(Autopsy)
“Hey. You got anything, Duck?”
“Ah, Jethro. As I predicted, our petty officer suffered a violent drowning. And not where the body was found. There were no algae in his lungs or in his nasal passages. But why someone should shoot a man after they drowned him remains a mystery.”
“Well, it entered here, smashed the scapula and part of it exited in that railroad tie behind him. I found a piece of bullet lodged in his shirt. It may match the fragment that Ziva found.”

“To what?”
“Too soon to tell. But take a look at this depressed fracture of his cranium. Note the indentation mark on his right temple. Remind you of something?”
“Well, it’s definitely metal of some sort. We found minute filings and traces of rust in the wound. I sent everything up to Abby. Aye. Wait a minute. Mr. Palmer?”
“Yes, doctor.”
“Hemostats, the small one. There is something impacted between his molars.”
“What is that? Looks like ah…”
“Benjamin Franklin’s mouth and chin.”
“Part of a hundred dollar bill.”
“Maybe that’s what they were looking for inside of his stomach?”
“We found no traces of paper in his digestive track.”
S8 Ep.6 - CRACKED(Accident scene)
DUCKY: (arrives at scene)
“Good morning all. To whom do we have the privilege?”
“Navy Lt. Clea Thorson.”
“Pedestrian versus bus. How unfortunate.”
“Walk on the green not in between. I am so sorry. I used to say that to myself when I was a kid whenever I wandered into the …never mind.”
“Severe trauma to the head consistent with a collision. The impact through the victim 12 to 15 feet, making the speed of the bus of the point of collision…”
“uh, uh.”
“15 to 20 miles an hour. Are those scratches on her hands, Mr. Palmer?”
“Naturally, she would have extended her arms to protect herself. Oh. This is weird.” (He pushes sleeve up to show equations written on her skin.)
“Palmer. Check the other arm.” (Palmer and Ducky discover more.)
“Some kind of chemical symbols?”
“Looks like my cheat sheet from an 8th grade math final.”
“Whatever this is, Mr. Palmer. I’m certain you did not learn it in 8th grade.”
“I worship Triplets in their bedroom.”
(looking at them as if they are speaking a foreign language) “I worship getting my work done.

“I would love to know what it is.”
“Oh, Jethro. Thank goodness.”
“Bye, Abs.”
“I’m afraid we’re not finished yet, Jethro. But what I’ve discovered so far really bothers me. Broken capillaries in both eyes, her skin is extremely dehydrated. Both of these are unrelated to the blunt force trauma she incurred at the accident. This was a very sick woman, Jethro. Mr. Palmer, would you…”
“Her spleen expanded to nearly twice its size. Liver and pancreas were also enlarged.”
“She had almost complete organ failure.”
“From what?”
“Some kind of poison. I’ve no idea what kind. Abby will start tests. But whatever it was it’s been in her system for some time.”
“She was dying.”
“I have no idea how the poison got into her system.”
“It didn’t get there by itself.”
“Whoever did this to her, knew just what to do not to get caught.”
“Careful. Sometimes they talk back.”
“Ducky. Hi. I just… I wanted to get one last look at the… the writings.”
“It’s a rather fascinating case with a rather fascinating young woman. We could study her brain for years and never know just what made her tick. I suppose that could be said for any one of us. You all right? You look a little peeked.”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“Go home, Abby. Get some rest. I can assure you of one thing. Lt. Thorson will still be here in the morning.
S8 Ep.6 - CRACKED(Autopsy)
“There’s no reasoning with her.”
“No. I’m afraid not, Jethro. Not when she locks herself in her lab convinced that she can find all the answers on her own.”
“Right. Just like Thorson did.”
“Well, there’s no doubt that Abby greatly identifies with the Lieutenant, has done from the beginning.”
“It’s a slippery slope, Duck.”
“Yeah, well, as nature says, when you gaze long into the abyss; the abyss will gaze into you.”
“I need to get her back.”
“You will. We’re still waiting results from the outside lab as to the type of poison; however, this morning I pulled a piece of tissue from beneath one of Thorson’s finger nails.”
“There a fight?”
“Well it could have been a nasty one. The tissue was deeply embedded.”
“You got an ID?”
DUCKY: (hands him a piece of paper)
“Just got that back.”
S8 Ep.6 - CRACKED (Autopsy)
“Martin Stillwell’s throat burned from swallowing a significant amount of something. So much in fact, that you can still smell it. Here.”
(sniffs) “Gasoline… dead bodies.”
“Close. It’s a highly refined version of ethanol mixed with traces of formaldehyde.”
“Where would somebody get something like that?”
“They can’t. Mr. Palmer.”

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